Tuesday, 30 June 2009

Sock puppets

Read this nao cause I wrote it, and you're really interested in my Politics.



Don’t you really think it’s all, kinda, sorta... a load of tosh?

HMD

We’ve been through the hubris, we’ve been through the nemesis, perhaps the catharsis has been postponed – 08/05/09, Daniel Hannan MEP

I think this blog has become slightly, no, very myopic. The Palestine/Israel debate has been done countless times before, and of course it is an important issue, now quite possibly more than ever before, but I think we have far more pressing thoughts as Britons that we should be thinking about.

Look at my quote above (ignore that it’s by the odious Hannan). Do you believe that? I believe we’ve been through the hubris (infact, it seems to constantly occur), we’re certainly experiencing the nemesis, but the catharsis? Really? That sounds almost Stalinesque to be honest, purging the government. But no, really, can we purge our government. Do you think it’s possible to ever have a truly honest, open parliament/cabinet/PM. Of course it’s not! Whoever believes that rubbish?

Everything is so cyclical, it’s true that history repeats itself and that couldn’t be more blindingly obvious if it tried. One party messes up, and it is replaced by the other. The fact is, try as you might to call this a democracy, there’s a hell of a lot of flaws. You choose between Labour and Tory. This is your choice and the fact is we’re simply picking the lesser of 2 evils. You pick Tory, or you pick Labour, and if you pick another it is simply a wasted protest vote. We only have 2 choices, and don’t you think it’s rather pathetic that we’re simply choosing the lesser of 2 evils. If you don't like one, you pick the other by default.

Imo, this is a crisis of democracy, scarcely a democracy at all. We have the choice of being led by Cameron or Brown, by a righty or a lefty. That’s it. You realise that? You vote right wing or left wing, or as I said, it’s simply a protest vote. I think that’s a bit pathetic tbh. Of course there are other parties, but they can’t and won’t win. How depressing.

Essentially, one party messes up and the other takes over. Then they mess up, and the former party takes over. This happens time and time and time again. Labour came to power in this blaze of glory in 1997, riding on the failings of the Tories. Do you remember 1990? Possibly not, I wasn’t even 1 until the December. But 1990 was the year that Margaret Thatcher was...removed from power (a perfect example of hubris I’d like to point out). There’s no point getting into the whys and hows, just bear in mind she was hated (pro-authority, new right, ‘Milk Snatcher’, the Belgrano for a start). She was the first leader really to lead ideologically rather than pragmatically, was too authoritarian and laissez-faire economically. Loved by some but hated by many, she was kicked out of her own government! Long long long story short, we had 7 more years with the Conservatives with John Major, and then they faced the worst electoral defeat since the Great Reform Act of 1832. They were vilified and in 1997, New Labour came to power in a blaze of glory...and now what? Merely 12 years later and New Labour are scum who have ruined the country, and thank God the Tories will save us all. How absolutely ridiculous.

We veer from one party to the other – Labour messes up, thank God we have the Tories with their endless rhetoric and finger pointing. In 5/10 years time, when PM Cameron, Osborne the chancellor of the Exchequer *shudder*, Hannan and whoever else is in control have messed up, we’ll be praising New Labour and lo and behold they’ll be back in control; the public has such a short memory.

All we ever do, is vote the lesser of 2 evils. The vast majority of people who vote Labour or Tory, don’t believe in their party, they just don’t know who else to choose and choose the lesser evil of the 2. If you’re right wing, you vote Conservative (no matter how much you agree or disagree with them, what’s the alternative?), if you’re left wing you vote New Labour. However, New Labour is so far away from its original socialist aims and Clause 4 and the rest of it, that even voting for them isn’t particularly left wing anymore. Furthermore, even if you believed in New Labour’s core principles, you’d still be voting for a party which seems to have left us up the creek. What’s the electorate to do? What are you to do? Protest vote? How jejune.

Call this a democracy if you like, but you have 2 choices, and neither of them represent me, and I’m hazarding a guess they don’t represent the majority of you reading. This is so depressing. Knowing that the Tories are coming to power soon. We've had 12 years of New Labour; mass immigration, boom and bust/economic problems, all the problems the papers moan about (whether these are issues or not isn’t my point, my point is that the public view them as issues, which is the more pertinent point) and now the majority of people will vote conservative (esp. now with the new 50% tax for people earning over £150k p/a!), and that will be that. We are going to have a Conservative win, I’d put money on it (well, if we weren’t in a bloody recession and I had a job, I would...).

What a brilliant democracy we have. There’s partisan deallignment left, right and centre, we believe what we hear less and less and trust less and less (remember, the MP scandal involved both Labour and Conservative MPs), and we believe what we hear less and less. We all seem so jaded, does anyone really believe anymore? As a people, we’re not even particularly political (59.1% turnout in the 2001 General election springs to mind, a “crisis of democracy” by any description), and those of us that are have the choice of Labour, Tory, or protest.

What an awesome democracy we have. The ‘catharsis’ Hannan seems to expect has not been postponed; it does not exist. Boo.



Sunday, 28 June 2009

My lovelies

I don't care that this is ridiculously sentimental.  Listen to it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1VDvN03W8Q

Onwards and upwards my lovelies.

Rêves

I keep on having dreams.  Really, really, really vivid  dreams.  They're not even surreal, they're completely realistic.  And I just watched a 20 stone, 6ft' tall man ride down the Thames in a tire, on ITV news.  Ooh, Luke Pritchard is speaking, why is he so oddly attractive?  Something about being in a band.  And that band being The Kooks.

Back on topic, yes, dreams.  So strange, honestly they're bizarre.  I guess it's just because they're so realistic, which is unusual.  They could be real situations, they're just... not.

Ok, enough on this vein.  V. boring.  When I'm not being all annoying, self deprecative and whiney I have nothing to write.  Urgh, I sound so miserable and existentialist.  Doom and gloom, there is no God, we are all. going. to. DIE.  I could be Sartre.  Fit.

An aversion

My iPod seems to have developed an aversion to good music.  It's on shuffle, playing music that makes me want to rip my ears off.  Why is this in my iPod?  Makes me wish I wasn't even Arab, honestly how do people listen to this?  But again: Why in God's name is this in my iPod!!?? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tcc7qyzqn-k&eurl

Yalla, what's next.  *Shuffle*: "Slavonic Dance No. 3 for orchestra in A flat major" (Antonin Dvorák) Heh, that couldn't be more contrasting if it tried.

It's time to take matters into my own hands, no more shuffle, pickpickpickpick

MICHAEL JACKSON.  How could I not?  Since my last post (lol like wut...4 days?) MJ has died.  The King of Pop, bigger than the Beetles; than  Jesus Christ himself, is dead.  Gone.  Away.  Disposed.  Eradicated.  Afar.  Cast aside.  Mort.  

That's depressing.  There seems to be some strange case of pathetic fallacy here; it started pouring down with rain the second I typed the 'M' in MICHAEL.  If this was a movie I'd say the mise-en-scene was far too BAIT.

xxx

Wednesday, 24 June 2009

I want to skip this year.  I wish it was 25 June, 2010.  I have so little to look forward to this year.  Really, best friend is gone, and I feel it really accutely, I have nothing really but pining after a guy who doesn't seem that into me, uni work which tbh I'm dreading and sounds horrendous, and...

I need to be much more cheery.  It's just so droll though.
Does this blog interest you?  Does it engage with it's reader?  Are you intrigued?  Amused?  Bemused?  Entertained?  Or bored.


Bagsy bored.

Food

I can't make my hair grow, but I can starve myself.  Right?  Right.  That makes no sense does it?  No, it does make sense.  I want to be skinny, not cadaverous, but small.  Smaller.  Small.
I'm sick of feeling fat.  And worse still...I'm sick of being told I'm not fat.  "You're just right...you're fine...you're not overweight".  I. Don't. Care.  So so so so so so bored of hearing it.  I want to lose weight, not a little, a lot.  Not too much, I don't want to be emaciated, but enough.  This is such a boring subject...weight.  Honestly, who really cares apart from you.  You, the person who wants to lose weight.  To you it's everything, to everyone else it's "Who cares?".

Tomorow I'm starving myself.  Not completely, obviously,  I have no desire to die, but I want to lose it now.  I've developed a hate for my appearance, not all the time, but alot of the time.  I don't have any stupid psychological issues, I know when I look good, I know when I look really good, and I know when I look awful.  For some reason I seem to look permanently bad these days, and there's nothing I can do to change it.  Maybe it's my perception...it's illogical.  I look the same now as I did before, I must do, right?  I just feel so massive, like an elephant talking to a mouse.  It's true... right now I am.  People are kind, far too kind, I appreciate honesty much more than lies.  I'm not medically 'overweight' in the strictest sense, of being OVER though.

My face has stopped working.  I used to be able to scrub up well, but now I just look like a mess.  Absolutely. No. Idea. Why.  Hateit.hateit.hateit.  I want to change everything.  I even avoid sometimes going out, because I know I'll be completely upstaged.  I can't change my average face, and I can't grow my hair (another permanent source of my contention, honestly, I could cry about it and still feel on the verge of that), but I can change my body.  I'm so bored with feeling ugly.

I know starving yourself yields limited results... blah blah starvation mode, metabolism is ruined  blah blah, but I don't care.  I want to do something.  Now.  I don't want to be slow.  I just want to go.  This morning I ate one and a half cookies, I debated eating it for about 5 mins but I was starving.  I know this is a bad idea, but I just need a change, I need to do something different, something that will make me feel better, which isn't purging because God knows that doesn't work.  I need to do something productive and proactive.  I actually really want a cookie right now, resist resist resist.  Fuck it, ate the cookie.  Lmao.  I'm amazing.  Will power is a brilliant thing.  Shame I have so little.

No, tomorow I'll do it.   Therapeutic.

Thursday, 18 June 2009

Blue light

Love.love.love. for this song right now.

Tuesday, 16 June 2009

On a completely unrelated note


I'm so fucking bruised right now, such a clutz.  Broke a shoe and fell down a bunch of steps, yesterday dropped 18 bottles of beer.

I wish I had the grace befitting of my height...

Ouuuuuuuuuuuch.  x


Honey nurse hath returneth

I feel atomised.  I'm not sure if you can use that word like that, and I also don't care.  

  • atomise - atomize: spray very finely; "atomize perfume"
  • atomise - nuke: strike at with firepower or bombs; "zap the enemy"
  • atomise - atomize: break up into small particles; "the fine powder had been atomized by air" 
Fuck, I can't use it.  What's the word. do you know it?  It's like being alone, completely alone, singular, one entity, teeny tiny small and just... one?
Lmao, I fail at prose, clearly.  This is a strangely cathartic exercise, I like it.  Boo; this is an exorcism of an essay, a probably jejune and excessive essay, like eating chocolate cake.  Wtf am I talking about?  I'm sorry, it makes sense in my head, everything I write, I seldom edit these posts because they make sense to me, even if to an outside they're random mumblings (and to think, I want a career as a newspaper journalist, at this rate they won't even let me write the obituaries).

I sorta feel abandoned and forgotten, y'know.  Not in the left at the fucking orphanage with a broken teddy and a note way, but in a way I've never felt and never been before.  I'm just rattling around, waiting for whatever, not sad, just not particularly happy.  Everything is so average, that's not neccessarily a bad thing, just something  I'm not used to.  To use the internet parlance; meh.  My life is meh.  I am everybody's afterthought, and not really in the front of anyone's thoughts anymore.  HAHA, maybe I'm just an attention whore?
My best friend, someone who is like a sister to me really, is across the planet.  I have no real working relationship with the 'rents, lets not forget the whole fallout which was last summer, and the few friends who have not either absconded from my life or from the country are friends, but there's a gap between us - I realised recently that there's only ever been two people I can be completely and utterly frank about absolutely anything and everything, 2 people I would still be friends with in 10 years, and I can see at my wedding, and there's only 2 people I've ever felt that with.  Unfortunately, neither of them are remotely near London anymore.  The people who are around - I dunno, not that close.  I think it's me.  And alot of times, I feel like I just cba with it.  So I've been at home so much lately, so much more than ever before.  Fuck, I used to be cool, now I'm like the person I would have laughed at 5 years ago.
^^^^That is a syntactically mashup paragraph, hope you don't care.

You know what - I need to get out of this house more.  I need to start going to Orchestra and find something.  Or a job - would be nice.

*Must stop rambling*

It's cool, this is almost adressed to someone, I can see your face as I type this, makes me smile sort of.  But I won't say who obviously.  It's ok, I know you won't read this anyway, and even if you did what difference would it make?  You wouldn't figure it was you if I told you anyway.  Your name is beautiful.

xxx


PS; sorry for the long break.  Lmao who am I apologising too, I'm the only person who reads this!