GMTV - BAD morning television

I cannot sleep. 

My head is POUNDING.

And I feel like I'm going abso-fucking-lutely crazy in this house.

Whatever the fuck the symptoms of Swine flu are, I think I have them... even my back hurts? :\

Some Irish girl on my TV.  Go awayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.

Srsly... watching GMTV.  "We're at a doggy training centre!  Do you have a dog?  Do you look like your dog?  Do you have a picture of you and your dog together?  If so... call us!"

No.  No I don't.  No, I do not look like my dog.  I don't even have a dog.  I don't even like animals.  What is this gash on my TV?  "Fat feline... porky pet", they really go to town with the alliteration, don' they?  Proper banging headache right now.

They're on a mission to lower dog obesity in Great Britain.  No, I'm not making that up.  "Mr Muttivator"; he's like Mr Motivator except he's canine.  Read that sentence again; Mr Muttivator - lowering the dog obesity pandemic across Great Britain.  Jesus fecking Christ.

The obesity epidemic - we can tell our grandkids about it; "it was awful Mikey...there were pork chops and chocolate cake everywhere!  OMG - it's a cake!  Runnnnn." :o

Has it really been 2 weeks since my last update?

Goshh, slacking Holly, slacking..

(There's a load of white people killing Mariah Carey... 'a selection of the fine family talent in Birmingham right now', and wait - isn't that Jade Goody's ex? :S)

Urghh, they're singning Halo - srsly why do so many people think they can sing?

Best of British, eh?

Ok, I'm going to stop being casually racist now.

Before I go, here is today's competition, proper difficult stuff, don't think too hard now.

A hectic lifestyle is often referred to as living life in the:

A) Fast lane

B) Slow lane

C) Inside lane

If you know the answer, dial: 0800 FML 1477

It's C, duh.