Sum total

Most people write one blog post a month, or have blogs with the sum total of around...5 posts?  Not me.  No, I have to be atypical.  Always.

I update this almost every other day... as I'm sure you're beginning to notice.  Why?  Why not?  I have a lot of time on my hands, I think far too deeply about too many things and I like to write.  Strangely, I dislike the act of putting pen to paper; I'm lazy.  I've always written incorrectly; I've never held my pen properly.  When I was in primary, no one could understand how someone as bright as me could write so poorly.  My handwriting is poor, I hold my pen incorrectly (I actually forget I hold it incorrectly, untill someone new brings it up, which they inevitably will), I hold my bow 'like a bread knife' and apparently I don't have a lifeline and should never have been born.  I dislike the act of writing.  I would be terrible at calligraphy.

 

All of this is irrespective of my point.  I dislike the act of writing, but I like to write.  I have so many thoughts in my head sometimes it's almost purifying to focus them on something else.  It's like organising a folder.  It's neat and perfect.  ABCDEFG, i ii iii iv v vi vii viii xi x.  I think I think far too much; is that possible?  Can you think too much about something?  What is too much?  I can't sleep at night, there's so much constantly running through my mind.  Or is it my brain?  What's the difference between your mind and your brain?  Is there one?

 

Whatever, On the reverse side, if you write to be read, then you're somewhat forced to edit what you write; right?  I guess it would be a brave person who could talk completely cadidly on here, there's an act of censorship always.  This blog is highly censored, inspite some of the stupid stories I've told on here, tbh the truth is harsher.  You're reading a highly censored version of my life.  Odd.  I said a while ago "this is an exorcism of an essay, a probably jejune and excessive essay...", how can that be?  When I wrote that I was writing purely for the act of writing, with no consideration for how it would appear to others.  I'm not sure now if I'm writing for myself or for others.  Do you remember how I said right at the beginning "my ego wants everyone to read this. To at least think of me, even if what my writing right now is self-indulgant crap."  I dunno.  Also, I'm seriously overthinking about what is essentially a poorly written, angsty, teenage blog with...5 followers in total(!)

 

I don't know what I'm talking about.  This is my illucid ramblings - eat.  :\